Aided by a spirit of compassion, Nicolas searches the Fade for Julien
before bringing his lover to the cabin where he gives him a tantalising tour.

Note: Preview is SFW.

Nicolas watched the wardens and King Maric leave before turning back to face the mantle. He heard Julien hurry in.
        ‘They are leaving,’ stated Julien.
        Nicolas said nothing. He merely stared at the hearth.
        ‘Nicolas? Are you going to tell me what is going on?’
        Nicolas turned to face Julien. He slowly walked to him, his heart heavy. ‘They are right, Julien.’ He cupped his face and traced a finger along the man’s moustache and short beard. ‘You’re not real. This is but a dream.’
        ‘But you didn’t go with them?’
        ‘I can’t. I want to die. I’m…already dead.’
        ‘So you’ll stay?’
        Nicolas’s brows furrowed as he searched Julien’s eyes. ‘What are you? A spirit? A piece of the demon? You cannot be Julien. How can you be Julien?’
        ‘I feel all that he does,’ Julien replied. ‘I love you as he did. The echoes of his love linger in your soul.’ He touched Nicolas’s face. Nicolas leaned into his hand. ‘If you want me to be him, I will stay with you and be with you.’
        Julien kissed him tenderly, his tongue gliding along his. Nicolas moaned softly as his stomach fluttered, and his lips lingered on Julien’s.
        After a moment, he pulled away slowly. ‘But what are you?’
        ‘I am a spirit of compassion.’
        Nicolas’s eyes brimmed with tears. He bowed his head. ‘I cannot go back with the others, I do not wish to, and even if I did, it is too late now.’ He sighed heavily, trembling with chagrin. ‘But I want Julien, my Julien. Mon amour, Julien.’
        Julien’s eyes grew sad. ‘Then let me help you.’ His gaze grew distant. ‘I know how to find him, how to find where he wanders.’
        ‘And then we can bring him here?’ asked Nicolas.
        ‘Yes.’
        ‘Thank you.’
        The spirit in Julien’s form had tears in his eyes and he took Nicolas in his arms, holding him tightly before letting go and transforming into a spirit form. He now wore Grey Warden armour, Nicolas assumed for recognition, and he shimmered with a golden-white light.
        The spirit of compassion nodded to him. ‘This way.’ Its voice retained an Orlesian accent and was male but it was different, as that of a stranger’s.
        Nicolas followed it away from the cabin.
        ‘Do not worry,’ it reassured, ‘everything here will remain as it is when we return. You have claimed this corner of the Fade.’ It smiled. ‘I have already sent a thought to other spirits for them to guard this place for you. It is your new home.’
        ‘I appreciate that, spirit,’ Nicolas said.
        ‘You may call me Compassion.’
        Together they travelled through the Fade, from one area to the next, stopping to speak to other spirits from time to time. Some of them were dreamers, others had similar forms as this one, shimmering with the light of various colours.
        ‘How long have you existed?’ asked Nicolas, wanting to take his mind off his worry.
        ‘Forever.’
        ‘And…are you not worried my woe will corrupt you?’
        Compassion chuckled and turned its head to regard Nicolas. ‘It takes something much more intense than that to corrupt a spirit.’
        ‘I was sent into the Fade by a demon though.’ Nicolas was grateful for the spirit’s aid and was genuinely concerned.
        Compassion shook its head. ‘That is not how it works here.’ It stopped and turned to face Nicolas. ‘Do not worry yourself about me.’
        They continued for another while. There was a woman who was singing vibrantly nearby. She stopped, embarrassed when she saw them. She was human, a mage, Nicolas could see. She regarded Nicolas and smiled.
        ‘You know it’s funny. I saw such a handsome man such as you not too long ago. Orlesian too by the looks of his moustache.’
        Nicolas’s heart leapt with trepidation. ‘Dark hair, short beard, warrior?’
        The woman nodded. ‘You know him?’
        ‘He’s my lover!’ Nicolas blurted out.
        She pointed some ways ahead. And resumed her singing, more softly this time.
        Nicolas quickened his pace and they came to a rise in the Fade that gave access to many other sections and platforms. His heart racing, Nicolas ran ahead. He might have been dead but his lungs burned from breathing heavily all the same. Compassion just glided along beside him, matching his speed.
        Finally, they came to a cliff in the Fade. Nicolas became frantic. ‘Where do we go from here?’
        Compassion placed a hand on Nicolas’s shoulder and squeezed gently. ‘Look.’
        Nicolas followed its gaze and saw across a chasm another island where wandered Julien, looking this way and that as though searching yet looking forlorn.
        ‘Julien!’ he called out. Julien paused, looking up. ‘Over here!’

Continue reading Forever With You

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Nicolas helps Julien remember what happened to him in the Deep Roads
before the two lovers desperately grasp at this moment together which could be their last.

Note: Preview is SFW.

Julien watched as the three men left down the path. He waited but Nicolas remained inside the cabin. He entered. ‘Mon amour?’
        Nicolas stood staring at the hearth, looking grim.
        ‘Are you going to tell me what that was about?’
        Nicolas turned his head to look at him, his eyes were filled with tears. ‘I love you so much, Julien.’
        ‘I love you, Nicolas.’ He frowned in concern and walked to Nicolas, taking his hands in his. ‘Tell me what is going on, please?’ Nicolas just stared at him, his blond moustache twitching. ‘Every time you look at me of late, you seem…chagrined. I am only worried. If I have done or said something—’
        ‘It’s not that,’ Nicolas quickly interjected.
        ‘Then what is it?’
        Nicolas turned his head away from Julien.
        ‘Nicolas,’ Julien breathed, elongating his lover’s name. He gently turned his face back towards him. ‘You look at me with such sorrow, why? Why are you so sad, Nicolas?’
        Julien waited anxiously as Nicolas stared at him, his expression unreadable. ‘We’re dead.’
        Julien scowled. ‘Dead? Because of the taint? Because the Calling will find us?’
        Nicolas shook his head. ‘We died. Killed.’
        ‘What?’ Died. It was past tense. Julien’s stomach tightened. ‘How?’ His heart was racing.
        Nicolas backed away and led him to their bed. They sat down.
        ‘Do you remember going into the Deep Roads with King Maric?’ Nicolas asked carefully.
        Julien thought about it. The memory seemed to come back to him as if through a haze.
        ‘Yes. We were searching for Geneviève’s brother.’
        ‘Do you remember what happened after?’
        Julien furrowed his brows in concentration. ‘We found him…wait…no, we didn’t…it’s all a bit hazy.’ His certainty began to ebb, only to be replaced by confusion. He searched for the memory and wondered why everything he thought he remembered suddenly seemed so unreal. Panic took him and his breathing became erratic. ‘I…I don’t remember.’
        Nicolas placed his hand on Julien’s face and looked him in the eyes as though searching. ‘Do you remember how we got back to the surface?’
        ‘I…’ Julien held his breath; he could not find the memory. ‘No,’ Julien conceded.
        Nicolas swallowed, and his Adam’s Apple rippled. ‘What do you remember?’
        Julien focused on the memory, glancing away. ‘I remember the dragon. It was coming down; that idiot warden did the stupidest thing and brought it down. But it wasn’t dead yet.’ He chuckled. ‘Brave lad. And…’ Julien looked deep into Nicolas’s eyes. ‘I saved Duncan.’
        Nicolas nodded.
        ‘And the dragon…gnawed on me.’ Julien’s heart sank and fear gripped him, yet not for his own death. He let out a shaking breath as the memories flooded his mind. ‘I died.’
        Nicolas nodded, tears pouring down his face. ‘You died.’ A sob escaped him.
        Julien felt panic for Nicolas. ‘That was Maric, Duncan and Kell back there! Are they dead too?’ Nicolas shook his head. Julien’s heart dropped. ‘But then how did you…’ He was unable to complete the question.
        Nicolas heaved, holding Julien’s hands more tightly. ‘I held you. I begged – no demanded – Fiona to heal you, but you were gone, you were already gone.’ Julien’s heart broke at his lover’s sorrow. ‘I couldn’t let you go, I wouldn’t let you go.’ Tears poured freely down Nicolas’s face as he let out another sob. ‘We let your body sink into the deep pools and I felt dead inside.’ He put a wrist to his mouth, closing his eyes tightly.
        ‘Nicolas, mon amour, I am here now.’
        A wail escaped Nicolas as he took Julien in his arms, holding him tightly. ‘Julien, I…’ He wept. ‘A demon took us into the Fade. The others are trying to get out, but I…’ Nicolas heaved again, his anguish loud.
        Julien understood what Nicolas had done. He held his face in his hands and looked him deep in the eyes, tears pouring down his face as well.
        ‘You didn’t have to, Nicolas.’
        ‘I did.’ He heaved. ‘For at least a chance to be with you for a bit. For at least a chance to say a proper goodbye.’
        Julien pulled Nicolas into his arms and buried his face in his shoulder. ‘Oh, Nicolas, mon amour.’ He sobbed loudly. He was sad and glad at the same time. He pressed his cheek against Nicolas’s.
        ‘This place,’ Nicolas began, still heaving, ‘it could be our creation or the demon’s.’
        ‘I was here before it found you, no?’
        ‘It could have used your soul.’
        ‘Then if this all disappears,’ Julien mused tearfully as he held his lover tightly, ‘we will be in the Fade and find each other again and create this place anew.’ Julien felt Nicolas’s tears on his face. He closed his eyes. ‘I love you, Nicolas. I always have, and I love you more for what you sacrificed for me today…just so you could be with me forever.’
        Nicolas pulled away, leaning his forehead on Julien’s. ‘I don’t know if we have forever.’
        Julien’s heart swelled with chagrin, and his stomach lurched with fear. He captured Nicolas’s lips with his and kissed him ardently. The man’s moustache was wet and Julien tasted Nicolas’s salty tears. He pressed his lips harder, breathing heavily, and a groan escaped him. A sob escaped Nicolas as he nibbled Julien’s lower lip.
        Breathless, Julien wiped the tears from Nicolas’s face. ‘Ne pleure pas.’ He tried to sound soothing.
        Nicolas gave him a wan smile. ‘You’re one to talk.’ He wiped Julien’s tears with his thumb.
        Julien merely looked at Nicolas for a few moments. ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. Nicolas seemed confused. ‘I’m sorry I died. I’m sorry we could not have this future for real.’
        ‘Don’t be. The taint would have taken us eventually. We knew whatever time we had would never be forever.’
        Julien passed his hand through Nicolas’s long blond hair, caressing his lover’s skin as he did so. ‘Then this might be the last time I truly see you.’ He shook his head. ‘I will find you again. Or perhaps you are wrong, we will remain here forever.’
        Nicolas looked down. ‘All I know is I did not have the chance to say goodbye.’
        ‘And how would you have said goodbye to me, then?’
        Nicolas looked up at him, his eyes no longer shedding tears but burning with a fire that sent a tingle vibrating through Julien’s body.

Continue reading A Proper Goodbye

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