Ask me this today, and I’d say it depends on how you define your relationship with your partner.

For example, for me and my husband, with our needs and desires, wants and expectations, kissing someone else is cheating for us. That is our monogamy.

I understand not all relationships are the same. There are very happy poly relationships, in which case kissing might be considered okay.

But what happens when a relationship is NOT defined?
Can you expect your partner to not kiss someone else?

Ask me this 15 years ago and I would have thought that cheating was ONLY having sex with someone else.

I was in an ill-defined relationship with a junkie. We were four months into the relationship at that time. It was New Year’s Eve.

(Yeah, you probably see where this is going.)

My family had organised something at my sister’s. The junkie called to say he was feeling unwell, coming down with something, and preferred to sleep it off. Concerned, we all told him well wishes, despite me feeling bummed.

My family and I had a wonderful and relaxing celebration at my sister’s.

When we got home, a bit past midnight, I still felt like I wanted to see him. He didn’t live far, and his roommate V, who’d become a good friend of mine by this time, had told me to pass by the apartment once I got home so we could hang out in celebration a bit anyway.

So my mom and I prepared some remedies and brews for me to bring to the junkie to help him feel better.

I walked over to his place. When V buzzed me up, he apologetically admitted that the junkie was not home. It turned out the junkie had gone to a party with his long-time friends. I was stunned and disappointed.

He ditched me for a party!

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They say size matters, and I totally agree! It’s not in the way one might think.

It matters that it fits.

While I like my man to be snug, I also want it to, like, NOT HURT!

We hooked up for the first time on a college campus, outside on a park bench. He was five years younger than me, freshly turned 19. I was hooking up with a younger guy and he was hooking up with an older gal. It benefitted us both.

It was meant to be a one-night stand!

I think maybe the position and the fact that we were both inebriated allowed us to find a position that worked. But I felt immediately how big he was, and in a way that it had trouble fitting with my size.

But we had our fun, and it was fun.

We both thought this would just be a one-time hookup. We had been flirting at previous parties and this time we overtly flirted with each other and both made our intentions known.

We walked off, holding hands, snickering, and left the party, abandoning our friends for a middle-of-the-night hookup we both enjoyed.

Then we found ourselves recounting that night to each other and flirting and making out the next day. So it looked like maybe there would be more hookups in store for us.

One of his friends coached him on how to “court” and encouraged us to become an item.

Honestly, I think this guy was living vicariously through C (we’ll call hookup guy C) because he told him when to apologize after a fight, when to buy me flowers, when to declare that he loved me, etc.

So encouraged by both our friends, C and I wound up dating.

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Trigger Warnings: The following story deals with Harassment and Stalking, and may be triggering to some readers. Reader discretion is advised.

He stalked me, and didn’t understand boundaries. I tried everything; asking nicely, being clear, being mean, and I even pretended to be his friend because I was that desperate!

When I was finishing high school, my good friend AM (the one who saved me from the guy who intended to R-word me) matched me up with a friend of hers, who seemed to both of us like a genuinely kind guy. (We’ll call him M.)

We dated for about a month only.

He seemed nice, offering to walk me home, even in the pouring rain, offering to meet with me and help with errands, offering to accompany me to work.

I should have realised what his true intentions were — he didn’t want me out of his sight.

I worked at a cinema at the time. AM and I were planning a girl’s day out with her sister and another good friend of hers. We were going to go to the hair salon together, go see a movie at my workplace, and then just hang out.

I told M we were having a girl’s day. I had seen him for several days before that day. I told him I’d call him the day after the girl’s day out.

When I walked out of the movie theatre with my friends after the movie finished, I found M standing at the door to the movie theatre, like right there, inside the cinema establishment.

He bought a ticket for a movie he had no intention of seeing so that he could wait for me there and escort me home.

AM was disappointed because we were going to do more together afterward. I wanted my day with my girls.

He insisted he was trying to be romantic. But it cut our day short. He wouldn’t leave us be. We asked him to let us have our evening; I told him it was just us girls. He would not leave. So then the others called their boyfriends to meet up.

After that, whenever I wanted some time alone with friends, he showed me his more jealous side. Always insisting he was doing it to be romantic. Then he started telling me things he did “for me,” like quit smoking (which I had not asked him to do) and whatnot.

He would call every day and then ask a million questions the next time we spoke if I wasn’t home when he’d called. He would wait for me outside my job and get angry at me if I wound up finishing earlier and was not there when he went to meet with me. I would not ask him to and would not coordinate with him.

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