Note: Excerpt below is SFW
Loghain slowed his pace, his shoulders dropping, as he walked back to his room, alone, his heart heavy with sorrow.
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‘Loghain!’
Loghain stopped and sighed. ‘What now?’ he demanded monotonously.
Maric caught up to him. ‘I just want to chat.’
‘And I don’t.’ Loghain resumed but Maric held him back by the arm. Loghain sighed gutturally.
‘Look, you’ve done a lot around here and I can see you could use some time away. Why don’t you return to Gwaren, I think it’ll do you some good.’
‘You trying to get rid of me, man?’
‘Loghain,’ Maric chided, ‘I’m trying to help you. I can see you’re…well, we’re all still grieving, but—’
‘Are we?’ Loghain turned to face Maric head-on. ‘Are we both still grieving? Because it seems you’ve moved on and I’m the only one who weeps at night for your betrothed because back when you didn’t want her, I loved her more than I could any woman for the rest of my life!’
Maric blinked back tears. ‘Of course, I still grieve for her,’ he hissed a half-whisper.
Loghain bowed his head. ‘I’m sorry.’
Maric hesitated. ‘I just thought you might be happier if you went to Gwaren.’
‘Nothing will ever make me happy again, Maric, except serving the man I pledged myself to in trying to forget the women we both loved.’
The two stood in silence for a while. ‘I’m sorry too,’ Maric said finally. ‘I’ll be happy for you to stay in Denerim if that’s what you want.’
Loghain nodded and slowly resumed. ‘Good night, Maric.’
‘Good night, Loghain.’
Maric turned and walked the other way.
Loghain marched into his private chambre. He just needed some quiet. He had once again saved Maric, and what was his friend doing? Urging him to go home. But all Loghain wanted was to be in the place where the woman he truly loved had died.
He shut the door to his room and leaned his hands on it. He let out a frustrated shout, punching the door. Leaning his head on it, he heaved and let out a loud sob, as tears streamed from his eyes.
All he wanted was Rowan back, all he wanted was for Rowan to be alive. All he needed was Rowan.
‘Oh Rowan,’ he whispered. ‘You’re the only one I ever truly loved.’
Steadying himself, he walked to the lounge and sat down. He swallowed, closing his eyes, his tears still spilling down his cheeks. He bowed his head. He remembered Rowan’s touch when she caressed him, the taste of her lips; none could satisfy him like she could.
‘What a fool I was,’ he growled. ‘What an idiot. I made a mistake. I should never have let you go.’
He placed a hand to his eyes, weeping. ‘I miss you so much.’
He placed his other hand on a pillow and squeezed, clenching his jaw, and a wail escaped him. All the anger and hurt, all the anguish of his loss he had suppressed, was now finally being released.
His body tensed as he heaved, barely able to breathe. He felt like the air from his lungs would never fill again. He was sobbing uncontrollably. He needed to release it, he needed to release it all – now that he was finally allowing himself to feel it.
And then he felt something else tense, as memories flooded him.
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