Talyc felt worse than he had when he had awakened as Relsor’s captive. His head hurt more than it had after Perce had probed his mind, and his stomach lurched more intensely than when he felt Relsor’s malady. He moaned in pain and with nausea.
‘Do you need a bucket?’
Talyc opened his eyes and found Knarf sitting on an armchair, smiling sympathetically. He shook his head and sat up. He felt another wave of nausea.
‘Maybe,’ he said at last. ‘How did you get in here?’
‘Vax called me. The others are over in the other room,’ said Knarf.
‘Knarf, I’ve been stupid.’
‘I know. Vax told me.’ Knarf paused. ‘You’re lucky he cares for you so much to not take advantage. It must have been very difficult for him to resist your advances.’
‘Well, it didn’t seem like he was resisting much when I was kissing him and touching him,’ said Talyc, feeling a belch, but it helped let pass the sensation of nausea.
‘It’s okay,’ said Knarf. ‘You were very drunk, apparently.’
‘I’m never drinking again,’ said Talyc.
‘Where have I heard that before?’ teased Knarf.
‘I mean it. I need my head clear,’ said Talyc. ‘I need to figure out my feelings and my fears without it. You know how I get as much as I do. Every time I drink this much, someone tries to kill me, someone captures me, and I make a fool of myself or try to justify other emotions. From now on, no more. Nothing.’
‘You’re going to have to face those feelings and express them,’ said Knarf.
‘If I push Fane away,’ said Talyc, ‘it’s my choice, I’m choosing it. I’m not losing him, and he’s not leaving me. And then if he dies… I can’t think of that right now.’
‘You’re going to have to tell him what happened last night,’ said Knarf leaning forward. ‘He needs to know the truth. Before we leave for Mandalore.’
Talyc nodded. ‘I know. He deserves to know that he was right; I was unfaithful.’
‘No, you were not,’ said Knarf. ‘You were possessed with the dark side, the drink, and you refused to address how you felt. It was a brief moment, but in the end, circumstances helped you to not be unfaithful in the way Vax had claimed you’d been.’
‘It’s still being unfaithful,’ said Talyc. ‘I know you and Shadie see it that way. You don’t have to soften the blow for me. You can tell me how it is.’
Knarf nodded. He put a hand on Talyc’s shoulder. Talyc began to weep; Knarf took him in his arms.
‘Bes’laar, I’m such an idiot.’
There was a shuffle at the room’s doorway. Talyc lifted his head and saw Fane standing by the entrance, slowly walking in.
‘You’re my idiot,’ he said with a wan smile.
Talyc shook his head. Knarf got up and helped Talyc to his feet. He felt another wave of nausea, this time less intense. He looked at Knarf and nodded. Knarf nodded back and left the room.
‘I’ve said those words before,’ said Talyc, ‘and maybe I was your idiot then when you saved me, but not this time, not after what I’ve done.’ Talyc looked at the ground. ‘I wanted to hurt you, Fane, and give you what I thought you wanted.’ Talyc looked up at him. ‘I remember last night because I always remember when I drink. The only time I didn’t was when Relsor captured me.’ Talyc swallowed a belch. ‘No matter how much I drink, I never forget or drink into oblivion, and yet I try and try and try again. And last night was no different. I felt so hurt I wanted to inflict pain on you. That’s not right.’
‘I probably deserved that,’ said Fane.
Talyc shook his head. ‘You didn’t deserve what I did.’
They both stood silent for a moment.
Talyc steeled himself. ‘I kissed Vax.’ Fane inhaled a sharp breath. ‘I…did a bit more than just kiss him,’ Talyc continued. ‘He turned me down. I wanted to forget the pain.’ Fane let out a slow breath and sat down on the bed. Talyc could tell that he was trying to control the shock and dismay that Talyc saw on Fane’s face. ‘In that moment, I wanted to forget you.’
‘I know that sober you didn’t want him,’ said Fane. ‘It’s like a spell from the dark side, or so Knarf was vaguely explaining earlier. Now I understand what he was talking about.’ He sighed. ‘I drove you to him by believing his lies in the first place.’
‘No, but…I…’ Talyc could not find the courage to say the words. ‘I’m too hungover to have this conversation right now.’ He began towards the doorway into the next room.
‘Talyc!’ Fane called out, standing up.
‘Don’t say it.’ Talyc put up his hands, turning back to face him. ‘You’ll leave me, Vax is right, and I can’t deal with that.’
Fane shook his head. ‘I won’t leave you!’
‘We both know that you can’t promise me that. We both know that whether by your choosing or…his blade, you will be taken from me.’ Talyc wiped his eyes. ‘I’m going to Mandalore. I need to focus on my clan. I reckon I won’t see you again before the end.’ He could see Fane’s eyes swelling up with tears. ‘Fane, this is just easier for me, it’s just what I need to do.’
Talyc stared at Fane for a moment longer, watching his tears run down his face.
‘Am I still your man?’ Fane asked softly.
‘I don’t know,’ said Talyc, feeling his heart break.
Continue Reading Chapter Eight
Catch up on previous Star Wars Fan-Fiction from the Shadie story series.
You might also enjoy other SWTOR fanfics, Dragon Age Fan-Fiction short stories, Mass Effect Fan-Fiction, or Stardust Destinies the High Fantasy Fiction series.
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