Tag Archives: medium readers

When Trauma Flashbacks Kick You In The Butt, Make Crêpes!

Because If Nothing Else, I Am Enough For Myself!

Today has been full of emotional challenges, some of which I won’t get into, but needless to say, Trauma Voice, whom I like to call Fear Voice, has been kicking my butt.

Living with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder ain’t easy. It is a trauma-based response, once which I have been healing from A LOT.

Who Is Fear Voice

Fear Voice is the voice of trauma that perpetuates the brainwashing and abuse that I lived. It can be things from childhood trauma, it can be minute things too, things that hurt me even if just briefly, and it can be everything my abuser would tell me and do to me. That is why Fear Voice is a “he.”


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He took our Online Role Playing to the next level… And then he took it Out Of Character!

Back before the MMORPG Star Wars: The Old Republic was out, I was hanging out in the forums all the time. There was a group of us who always wound up online around the same hours of the evening. Sometimes we’d role play with our characters.

One of my buddies from the forums asked me if I wanted to role play outside of the forums. We were both Canadians, and by this time, after months of chatting through the forums, we knew each other’s names and we’d seen pictures of each other, so to RP with him outside of the forums seemed like fun.

The RP session started with some Out Of Character (OOC) scenario establishing. Both our characters were alien and had unique traits and skills, so we capitalised on that when we jumped into the RPing. Our characters did some exploring and fought some enemies. Dialogue was written with quotations, and narration was in the third person.

Then his character began to flirt with mine.

In real life, we were both in relationships, but these were our characters, and I was intrigued. My character flirted back. Then his character started describing what he’d like to do to her. She responded in kind, describing what she’d like to do to his character. Our characters shared their first kiss with a “tingle coursing through them,” then an “electric charge passed between them.

And then things got a bit…steamier.


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The Girl Who Broke My Nose And Stole My Boyfriend

High-School Drama That Felt Like An Episode of the O.C.

Crack! You know the sound effect in movies when someone gets punched in the face? Imagine that sound inside your head. Now imagine you’re in gym class, high school, and you’re about to win the badminton match, all you have to do is flick the birdie to the other side. But your gym partner, and at the time friend, decides to run across from the other end to whack the birdie. Except she doesn’t whack the birdie, she whacks your nose.

I was 16. And she was part of our gang of friends at the time. And I trusted her. I wasn’t very good at gym, but I was decent enough at badminton. . . I think. Anyway, you can imagine there was a lot of red gushing from my nose. Adrenaline kept me hyped and eager to get to the clinic. Others were passing out around me or running off nauseated. I was in pain, massive pain, but I was surviving.

In the end, I got my nose fixed. Looks better now than it did before it got broken, so there’s that.

So there is me, recovering from my broken nose, sensitive bone, and once summer rolls around (three months later), all I want to do is chill and hang out with my friends. We were four close friends, all girls. One of them is my best friend to this day, I consider her family. Another, a close friend, though we seldom see each other. And the last, the girl who broke my nose.


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